Gift of a soft heart
My heart hurts. And feels very soft. Maybe you can relate?
It is as if the nervous system of our country continues to fray.
And this I do know: We live in a world where we are primed to see a soft heart as a weakness. It is no surprise that we can easily close down.
Gratefully, I am learning that a soft heart is precious. And valuable. And indispensable.
In his novel, “The Shoes of the Fisherman”, Morris West tells the story of Ukrainian Archbishop Kiril Lakota, who is set free after two decades as a political prisoner in Siberia. Kiril is sent to Rome, where the ailing Pope makes him a Cardinal. The world (set in the 1980s) is in a state of crisis—a famine in China is exacerbated by US restrictions on Chinese trade and the ongoing Chinese-Soviet feud. When the Pontiff dies, Lakota–after several ballots—is elected Pope. In the book, the new Pope, Kiril I, is often plagued by self-doubt, by his years in prison, and by this strange world he knows so little about.
There is one telling conversation, between two of Kiril’s advisers.
“What did His Holiness have to say about that?”
“He has a soft heart. The danger is that it may be too soft for the good of the church.”
“He has suffered more than we. Perhaps he has more right to trust his heart than we have.”
I get it. Really. I do. Although, this puts my mind in a tizzy.
How can soft be beneficial? Or life-giving?
The world we live in invites—encourages and rewards—a hard heart, as it bows to the powerful and controlling. It’s win or lose, so don’t give in.
And yet; it is in this world, that I want to—need to—embrace my soft heart. In our culture, it is very counter-intuitive, which tells us safety (security or wellbeing) happens when we stay tough, stay above it all intellectually. And yes, staying cynical doesn’t hurt.
We need a paradigm shift. As long as it’s win or lose, it is compulsory to be stronger—bigger, meaner or badder.
But what if? What if this life is about “We”? Being on this journey together, where there is no “us versus them”.
Where we say “No” to places where people are diminished, or marginalized, or seen as negligeable.
So yes. Please hear this: Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courageous.
It is choosing empathy over judgment,
understanding over dismissal,
and compassion over retaliation.
It is carrying care, when the world expects callousness,
and offering trust, when betrayal is common.
To be sure, healthy boundaries will still be needed in some situations and relationships, but even then, this can be done with what John Paul Lederach describes “audacious and tender tenacity”. (Thank you, Carrie Newcomer)
Let is not forget that “Tenderness is the path of choice for the strongest, most courageous men and women. Tenderness is not weakness; it is fortitude. It is the path of solidarity, the path of humility,” as Pope Francis reminded us.
And I take a deep breath and smile big.
When you have a chance, watch the movie, “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.” Each time I watch it, I gratefully let the tears flow.
Tom Hanks plays Mr. Rogers and his relationship with Esquire writer Tom Junod. More and more I’m grateful for every opportunity to remember that I need not be afraid of living with a soft heart. That empathy and compassion matter. And they spill to the world around us.
Speaking of soft and courageous hearts, Mr. Rogers is one of my heroes. And I love to hear his reminder to children (and to the child in us), “let them know that each one of us is precious.”
These are not easy words to internalize in a hard world where we keep everything, and everyone, at bay.
But when we see with our heart, we know that, regardless of our differences, we are on this journey together.
I love the gospel story of the Good Samaritan. He stopped for the man in ditch. Why? Because he knew what it was like to be wounded too.
You see, once we are open…
…to having our stereotypes contradicted,
…to giving up our expectations and demands,
…to embracing our brokenness—and our soft heart,
…we find “There is a light in this world, a healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter.” (Mother Teresa)
I am writing this one day after the anniversary (February 27) of Mr. Rogers’ death (2003).
Okay, back to our paradigm shift. We have a new way to see the world.
When we see with our heart, we are grounded, vulnerable and authentic.
Meaning, we are conscious—present—no longer numbed (by distraction, or elucidation or the addition of whatever it is that we need for the life we needed to “earn”).
Okay, my homily today:
One. From a soft heart, compassion wins.
For starters, when we see with our heart we don’t give in to fear.
And Two. A soft heart can hold life’s brokenness and pain, and not be undone by it.
“To remain soft in a world that punishes tenderness is a choice few dare to make. It is saying, ‘I will not become someone I am not to survive.’ Life will knock us down, and it will demand that we harden ourselves just to keep walking. Yet those who refuse to armor up understand that authenticity is not weakness, it is power. Softness is courage incarnate. It is the willow bending in the storm, the phoenix burning to ash only to rise anew.
Yet, in such a tough and hurtful place, you need to remember who you are. You need to continue to spread passion and an essence of goodness, despite the under appreciation and maltreatment you receive. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong or bad about being softhearted. In fact, hold the remembrance that being kind and sincere makes you unique.”
(Thank you Obnews.co—Staying Soft Is a Choice of Radical Authenticity)
Yesterday, my day began with the weight of worry. And I could hear the words to the song, “War. Huh. Yeah. What is it good for?”
So, down to our garden I go. And I see the blooms of our Crocus. Three inches in height, their flowers as little cups—or, like little chalices—offering that respite of grace, and sustenance, and hope. I stop, kneel, and pay homage. And I remember Jim Harrison’s great line; Paying attention is only game in town. And I know that to pay attention you must be present. I can tell you that I am mesmerized, and delighted, nonetheless. And there is something about wonder and awe that helps lessen the debilitating weight of worry.
And, yes, to be present, it sure helps to see with a soft heart.
Let’s call this a permission and celebration Sabbath Moment. We need soft hearts to draw us inward to self-compassion and grace, and draw us outward to into courageous connection, and life-giving community.
Quote for our week…
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
Kurt Vonnegut.
And for those who wish to watch my Religious Education Congress presentation, “Look for the helpers,” you can find it here on YouTube.
Join me March 21 (9am – 1pm) – St. Therese of the Little Flower Catholic Church, Reno, Nevada. Our topic: The gift of emotional and spiritual hydration. For more information, call the church – (775) 322-2255
I am so very grateful that you are a part of Sabbath Moment. And grateful for the support that makes it possible. Please, pass Sabbath Moment on to friends. And invite them to join us. My email address tdh@terryhershey.com
BULLETIN BOARD
Today’s Photo Credit: “Terry, I just watched your presentation at the RECongress. I enjoyed it very much. You and I are both traveling through our 7th decade on this planet. Your comments on memory resonated with me. My father-in-law, Bill Monroe, had an expression that I thought you would appreciate, The older I get, the more I think about the hereafter… I come into a room and ask, ‘What am I here after?’ I am also attaching a photo from a dive I did on Maui in November. I never get tired of God’s creation! Thank you for your work,” Bill Howden… Thank you Bill… And thank you to all, I love your photos… please, keep sending them… send to tdh@terryhershey.com
Yes, your gift makes a difference… Donation = Love…
Help make Sabbath Moment possible. I write SM because I want to live with a soft heart; to create a place for sanctuary, empathy, inclusion, compassion and kindness… a space where we are refueled to make a difference. SM remains free.
(Address by check: PO Box 65336, Port Ludlow, WA 98365)
POEMS AND PRAYERS
O God, who dwells beyond all our names for you,
we pray for the will to be at peace with one another.
We remember this day those who find themselves thrust into war;
We pray for light in the darkness, and hope amid despair.
We pray for peace in ourselves;
help us to breathe in peace, help us to breathe out love;
help us know and accept ourselves as your beloved.
We pray for peace in our families;
help us to speak the truth to one another in love;
help us to respect and value one another.
Let there be peace in our communities;
help us to create a peace born of justice and equity;
help us to honor and serve the common good.
Let there be peace in our nation;
sustain our hope; grant us wisdom;
empower us with courage.
Let there be peace in our world.
Help us to love the earth as our mother;
help us to see other nations as our neighbors;
help us to wage peace.
From a Litany for Peace, by the Reverend Kay Sylvester
Music for the Soul…
New–
Lift Us Up: A song for America — Peter Yarrow
