What’s in my cup?
Everywhere I go these days, people tell me their anxiety is real. About disquiet because of uncertainty. I get it. And many talk about unease, because they see or know people who are very afraid. And I understand that too.
“Afraid to speak, afraid to be misunderstood, afraid of saying the wrong thing. They’re afraid of losing their jobs, their friends, their communities, even their families. Fear can silence us, but it can also close our hearts to one another.” (Thank you, Maria Shriver)
My friends, we do live in a real world. With real, often unimaginable pain. And in a world where exhaustion is real, apathy can be very close behind. And at times, at our core we say, “Sorry, I just don’t know how to care.”
So. Let us pause. And let us begin here: We still do need one another. Because no one of us is on this journey alone. And in small steps we can continue to grow and learn and rebuild and heal.
Not that many years ago, I spoke to a group of hospice care workers, about emotional and spiritual hydration. I started this way, “What I’m about to tell you is very selfish. I want you to be replenished. I want you to be emotionally and spiritually hydrated. Because one day, I will need one of you.”
Let me repeat: No one of us is on this journey alone. And I choose to honor that truth. I choose to honor that we need one another not only for care and comfort, but to pick up the pieces and find ways to create spaces in our world that do not diminish, belittle or devastate, but rebuild and heal.
Today, let this be our paradigm shift: If we have the gift and power to choose, we are not “at the mercy of” (be it despair or hopelessness or disharmony).
Plato’s reminder, “What is honored in a culture gets cultivated there.” Yes, it is about the choices we make.
It has been very helpful for me to use the “coffee cup analogy”, which is a useful invitation to embrace the power of choice.
Okay. Imagine you’re holding a cup of coffee. (And yes, this is very easy for me to imagine.)
Imagine you are minding your own business when someone accidentally bumps into you, causing the coffee to spill everywhere. So. Why did you spill the coffee?
The immediate response might be, “Because someone bumped into me.” While that is accurate, there is a more specific, and bigger answer, to the question. The real reason you spilt coffee, is that coffee is what was in your cup. If it had been tea, you’d have spilt tea. The bump and the spill merely allowed anyone nearby to see what was inside.
I am smiling because I like this metaphor.
So. What if we are the cup?
Life comes along and shakes us—and this we know to be true—and when that happens, the contents of our inner selves (the contents of our heart and spirit) will spill out. This could be an amalgamation of our emotions, thoughts, beliefs, passions, scruples and values.
However, we often blame external—often unexpected—circumstances for our reactions: “I yelled, because they made me angry,” or “I’m stressed, because of my job,” or “The news is driving me nuts.”
Which leads me to wonder, “What’s in my cup?”
And when life gets tough, what spills over?
Will it be joy, gratefulness, peace, humility, and clarity?
Or, will it be anger, bitterness, resentment, harsh words and misunderstanding?
So, yes, life does provide us the cup, but we choose how to fill it. Today, can we fill our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, kindness, gentleness, resilience, and with emotional and spiritual hydration?
We are all wired to be replenished. And care of any kind begins with self-care.
I stand by that, more than ever.
In reading about the cup metaphor, I was grateful for Khalid Battle’s reminder that responsibility is, ultimately, a choice. “A choice we make individually depending on our socialization, culture, background, beliefs, families, relationships, etc. We are the sum of all of our parts, whether we are fully aware of it or not. We spend our lives making hundreds of choices every day based solely on who we say we are and who we want to be. In other words, our view of our personal responsibility (or lack of) is simply a case of what’s in our cup. Because the only thing that can flow out of our cups is who we already are.
In today’s society we’re constantly inundated with negative news stories leaving us to wonder how or if things will ever get better. It also only takes us hearing or seeing an act of grace or kindness from one person to another to remind us that no matter how dire circumstances may appear – or how distant hope may seem to be – we have not completely abandoned our human responsibility to one another.
The Art of Responsibility then, is essentially The Art of Humanity. Our conceptual idea of our world and how we show up within it are not just thoughts in our heads, but behaviors that we’re constantly playing out. Instead of simply telling us what to do, ‘responsibility’ persistently asks questions of us. It asks, ‘Who we are?’ ‘What do we value?’ This responsibility compels us to consider if how we respond is in alignment with who we say we are. Every second of every day – but especially in moments of tension and conflict – it asks us, ‘How are you practicing your humanity?’ The more we build the habit of continually asking that question of ourselves – and exercise the courage to be honest in our response – the more we will be able to show up as the best versions of who we say we are.”
Someone asked me the other day. “So, this ministry you have, what’s the purpose?”
I smiled because that always sounds like a test question. But my answer is from my gut: Sabbath Moment is about the business of filling our cups with replenishment and renewal and restoration. The invitation to let our souls catch up with our bodies. Ahhh yes, embracing the power of Sabbath.
And more than ever, I write SM because I want to live with a soft heart; to create a place for sanctuary, empathy, inclusion, compassion, and kindness. A space where we are refueled to make a difference.
For those of you in the Autumn necks of the woods, savor the colors. We’re loving it here in the PNW. And as a huge baseball fan, I’m doing my best to keep my heartbeat at a normal rate while watching my Seattle Mariners during these playoff games.
Quote for our week… “How would you describe what we need at this collective moment in our history? Positive change. A shift to common sense and reason. The retreat of chaos. The return of steady leadership and respectful diversity. How many different ways can we name what is on our heart? We know what we hope for, but we don’t know how to make it happen. That is why I pray for the means to our end. I ask the Spirit to not only hear what we pray, but show us how to turn our hope to reality. Give us the catalyst, Great Spirit, and we will work to accomplish what must be done.” Rt Rev Steven Charleston
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Today’s Photo Credit: “Terry, View from hospital room this morning. Hope rising. St Luke’s Vintage, Houston, TX. Beloved suffered seizures and a fall early Monday morning. We seek the holy in the ordinary. There is much hope and holy here.” Patti Suler… Thank you Patti… Thank you to all, I love your photos… please, keep sending them… send to terryhershey.com
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Help make Sabbath Moment possible. I write SM because I want to live with a soft heart; to create a place for sanctuary, empathy, inclusion, compassion and kindness… a space where we are refueled to make a difference. SM remains free.
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Letters that do my heart good…
–Wow! What a great reminder. I’ve walked on that Selma bridge! You almost have to hold your breath, it’s a sacred place. Thank you. John
–In the movie “Where Hope Grows” an alcoholic former baseball star finds inspiration from a Downs Syndrome man named Produce who works in his local grocery. Produce shares his love by hugging customers and letting his light shine through his integrity and cheerful approach to life’s considerable challenges. Loved it. Ron
–Dear Terry, In these sad and disheartening days you offer words of comfort and encouragement reminding us to love and care for one another. The words of the Rt. Rev. Steven Charleston direct our next steps. This seems to be the best resistance we can offer. Thank you for all you do. Karen
–Oh I laughed out loud at the blueberry pancake story! Thank you for sharing that… I have grandsons about that age and can just hear them. I’m still smiling real big.
Becky
–Terry, Today’s SM is so great. And thank you for sharing the reader’s words about Jane Goodall. Resisting evil from NC in all the ways we may each day. Roger
