Yes to self-care
No surprise, I had a few conversations this week about navigating life, and what feels like overriding uncertainty. And, it is no surprise that the most common reactions, were “I have no words.” “I feel so powerless.” And, “I don’t know.”
Yes, I confess that there is a part of me that wanted to offer comfort through remedies. But I knew I didn’t have any, and was somehow afraid to concede that I too, felt a wee bit lost. This I know to be true: Uncertainty and insecurity take a toll on our emotional and mental and spiritual well-being.
So. Where do we begin?
Well, a self-care plan isn’t a bad start.
I took heart in an article this week with the title: “Self-love, a radical act of healing, resilience and well-being.” Yes, and Amen.
There is no doubt, uncertainty is real. But here’s the deal: I don’t want to shut down. An essential reminder that care of any kind—engagement, service, kindness, generosity, ministry, teaching, compassion, gentleness, encouragement, healing—is predicated on, and fueled by, self-care.
And it helps to be reminded that Sanctuary—that place (or places) for replenishment (refilling self-care and self-love)—is in our DNA. Which means this is not a program or technique or strategy. It is about honoring what is already there. Inside. Now. Let’s call it the principal ingredient (building block) to being strong. To being grounded. In other words: we are not at the mercy of (or overburdened by) public opinion. Or any duty thrown our way containing the word “should”.
And we find this sanctuary through a portal… yes, a doorway (to enter into, and to leave behind). From that sanctuary, a place of safety (the Celtic word is “Caim”), we say yes—to wholeness and reconciliation, and we say no—to detachment and exclusion and small-mindedness.
I was buoyed, reading this; “Yesterday I had a good morning. Once again when I recollect myself, I again find the same simple demands of God: gentleness, humility, charity, interior simplicity; nothing else is asked of me. And suddenly I saw clearly why these virtues are demanded, because through them the soul becomes inhabitable for God and for one’s neighbor in an intimate and permanent way. Hardness and pride repel, complexity disquiets. But humility and gentleness welcome, and simplicity reassures.” (Raissa Maritain’s journal entry from the early 1900s)
Yes, self-care and self-love. Karen Lee White’s affirmation, “Unconditional love for self, heals and nurtures every aspect of our beings; it helps us face fear and hopelessness and refocus on hope, gratitude, and beauty. We may not have been prepared for these unprecedented times, but neither do we need to fall victim to them.”
I know that too many times in my life, I haven’t shown the courage to say, “No”. To say No to choices that would have been detrimental to my emotional well-being.
My excuse? I didn’t want to disappoint or let anyone down. Continuing to lug the weight needing to explain and justify any “No”.
I had lost track of the reality that No, is really Yes to self-care. Yes, to emotional and spiritual hydration.
A necessary reminder this week as we are talking about our wholeness, which is, in fact, a hidden wholeness, and it comes only as we embrace our brokenness. Our messiness. Our uncertainty. Because our identity, our value, our worth, is not predicated on answers or resolutions or tidiness. Our identity, our value, our worth, comes from—and is grounded in—Grace.
Tell me, where are the sanctuary places for you?
So. Back to the conversations where we “have no words.” Here’s what does my heart good; when we honor sanctuary (self-care and self-love), it reminds us that we are on this journey together.
I’m a big fan of High on the Hog, a Netflix series about how African American cuisine transformed America. And how inviting someone in, to the table, makes space for presence, and connection. And healing. And resilience. And you never know who needs that space. But you still make the invitation, “Come on in.” (Even and especially when they say, “I have no words.”)
In the series, a member of a local community was described this way, “He wouldn’t say it, but his life is really heavy right now.” (Raise your hand if you’ve been there.)
So. Let’s begin with Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ reminder; “Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely.”
We offer coffee… we make space…
We make space to see.
We make space to be seen.
We make space to give wholeheartedly.
We make space to welcome.
We make space to offer comfort or reprieve or hope.
We make space to be Sabbath (sanctuary—self-care and self-love), in a world of disquiet, disruption and misgiving.
That certainly doesn’t mean that we sugarcoat the world. Lord have mercy, there’s enough pain and injury to go around. And I can tell you that I am not a fan of people who—in the name of upbeat coaching—dismiss life’s complications, irritations, tensions and potential pain.
But here’s the deal: When we make space, we are able to bring who we are, wholeheartedly—whether that be grief or sadness, or bewilderment, or gladness or joy. And in that space, there is hope. And there is mercy.
Let’s call this space, the Gift of Enough.
Deadly tornadoes have taken their toll. And our hearts are with those who have lost loved ones, and with those who have lost house and home. And gratitude for those who are reaching out in those areas, to serve and assist.
And for all of you celebrating today, St Patrick’s Day blessings to you. I raise my glass to being on this journey together.
Quote for our week…
“When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.” Kristin Neff
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Today’s Photo Credit: “Thank you for inspiring us daily, Terry. Picture of dawn in Colts Neck, NJ,” Ann Marie Dayton…. Thank you Ann Marie… And thank you to all, I love your photos… please, keep sending them… send to terryhershey.com
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Letters that do my heart good…
–Hi Terry, Beautiful post. It gives me comfort and nourishes my desire and efforts to live compassion as a verb. An action. Not merely an abstract state of being. Thank you for the light you bring to my world each day. Maryann
–Hi Terry, Stupendous S.M. yesterday. And, bread is significant in our faith. But bread must be broken to be shared. So, if we feel broken, maybe we’re being prepared to be shared. You share yourself frequently, and inspire many. Keep spilling the light. God’s blessings to you, and have a continued holy Lent. Ian
–Oh, thank you for that wonderful post and video, Terry. Will be watching it again and again as aging is starting to catch up with me. And reading your SM and the importance of the dance, I can’t let that happen! Sky Ann
–Terry. I listened to your LA conference speech going in and home on the bus to and from NYC and really enjoyed it. You make me laugh but also touch my spirit at a deep level. Thank you! Take good care, Beth
–Greetings Terry, I think this Sabbath Moment is the best one I have read. For sure your heart is cracked open, soft, and oozing grace. All gifts from a life lived with empathy. For those of us that hold and see ourselves as part of “common humanity” it is inevitable that we be marked by the graceful tears that fall from a life lived in the sacrament of Now. Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of suffering, and tears of love. They all keep our hearts soft and cracked open so that this “little light of mine” shines through the cracks to guide our way home. Have a best day! Deb
–Wow! One of your best. I need to read it every day and I will maybe as a Lenten practice. Thank you so much. I would write more but I’m sitting at a doctor’s office and he’s going to walk in in a minute. Love and blessings to you. Lindy
–Thank you Terry, what you shared today brings comfort and tears while feeling surrounded with possibilities to move through our worries. Heartfelt. Donna
